


it's so dark tonight

by evelinaonline



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Ben and Klaus sharing a braincell during a mental breakdown, Gen, Good Brother Ben Hargreeves, Good Brother Klaus Hargreeves, Hurt Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, No Incest, i still cant believe i have to tag this, request, this was an awfully descriptive tag but it was accurate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 12:38:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19334689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evelinaonline/pseuds/evelinaonline
Summary: Klaus knows he should come to terms with his powers. He knows he should stay clean. He knows, and yet he cowers.It's so dark tonight.





	it's so dark tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Is anyone surprised that I'm writing about Ben and Klaus at this point, lmao
> 
> This is based on a prompt I got on tumblr: "Ok I have a prompt. When Klaus leaves the academy instead of throwing himself further into drugs he gets clean and learns how to use his powers with the help of Ben"
> 
> Hope you like it!

Klaus had been clean for a little bit more than a week and it was the most painful thing he ever had to do.

He couldn't believe Ben had actually convinced him to throw away all of his drugs. It wasn't as if he had forced him — his brother couldn't touch him nor his drugs.

But Klaus did it, and he regretted with all his might.

The alleys in which he usually slept were packed with all sorts of ghosts — lost and detached ones, desperate souls that tried to reach out to him, and others that screamed his name over and over, sending him right back to the mausoleum.

He couldn't even tell the living and the dead apart anymore. The streets were so crowded he didn't even care to ask or come to the conclusion himself. He just wanted to be alone.

He found himself fidgeting more than usual, or reaching out for his back pocket for a joint, or his bag of pills, but there was nothing.

Klaus wanted to smoke something —  _anything_  — to the point it hurt.

But he held back. For Ben.

The two of them had been wandering around the city together ever since day one — day one being almost five years ago — back when they knew nothing about the outside world. There had been arguments and fights, breakdowns and opening up in ways neither of them ever asked for, but they had stayed together.

Because at the end of the day, Ben was more helpful than annoying. He'd watch out for him, remind him to eat and shower and sometimes even take part in Klaus' own mischieves.

Ben didn't watch Klaus' life go by, he became part of it.

Helpful wasn't the only thing he was; Ben was caring and loving and a huge pain in the ass, but Klaus loved him. He wanted the best for Klaus, and now Klaus wanted the best for him.

So he had to stay sober, no matter how much it hurt.

They'd ended up in an empty parking lot near an abandoned gas station. It was the first time they'd been that far out of the city, but the further away they went, the fewer ghosts they came across.

Not that Klaus could make anything out in the dark. Their own source of light was a flickering street lamp, the only one out of the batch that hadn't been shattered.

"Are you ready?"

Klaus drifted his gaze away from the flickering light and back to the shadows where Ben was standing.

His hands were stuffed in his pockets, and his face was buried inside his hoodie, as if he was cold. He wasn't. None of the ghosts were.

Sometimes it was hard to remember than the Ben standing in front of him was the same Ben he grew up with.

"Here goes nothing," Klaus mumbled as he tried to concentrate on his powers.

The last time Klaus had manifested someone was when he was thirteen; some person good old Reginald Hargreeves instructed him to call, but even then, Klaus couldn't keep him materialised for more than a few minutes.

He got locked in the mausoleum that night.

It was as if no matter what he did — whether it was manifesting someone or failing at doing so — he ended up there. Nothing could please Dad, nothing Klaus could do anyway, so what was the point?

He was probably inside his office in the academy, looking over his notes, telling Pogo of how disappointed he was in him.

He didn't care about pleasing Dad, but the thought of disappointing him again pierced through his body like a spear.

_You've wasted all your potential and given yourself up to poison. How saddening._

Klaus' hands shook in front of him, and it wasn't because of his powers. He felt the energy slip right out of his hands, and he had no way to grasp it again.

_You're my greatest disappointment, Number Four._

Everything was shaking. Everything was falling apart. Klaus was falling apart, and he couldn't feel the ground underneath his feet anymore.

_Get up._

He curled up on the ground, hugging his body. Just when exactly had the cold pavement become so comforting?

_Listen to me._

It was all for nothing. He'd never be able to manifest anyone. Not one of the names in Dad's endless lists, not Five, and certainly not Ben.

_I said, get up._

He could really go for a drink. Or two.

_Come on, get up!_

Yeah. That sounded about right.

_Klaus, get up!_

"I can't!" Klaus yelled at the sky or to Ben or to whoever that voice belonged to, he couldn't tell anymore. What even was there to tell anymore.

"Klaus, come on, you-"

"Stop that!" Klaus yelled again, one hand on the ground to keep him balanced, and another hovering in front of him, hiding whatever was above him. "Stop asking me to try, stop lying to my face about myself,  _stop saying my name!_ "

There was a choked sob, and then another, until Klaus couldn't hold any of them back anymore. He must have looked so pathetic, shielding himself away from the one person who was trying to help him, screaming until there was nothing else to scream about.

"I'm not asking you to try," Ben said, taking his hands off his pockets and slowly approaching Klaus. "You're already trying. I'm here just like I've always been."

"You're not really," Klaus managed to say, sniffling, still shakily holding his hand in front of his face. Shielding himself.

Ben was right there listening to him cry, watching him fall apart, talking to him. Klaus could see him, and he could see Klaus.

But he wasn't really there.

Being with another person had never felt so lonely.

"I do know that you're the one keeping us together," Ben said, leaning down with his hands on his knees. "And if that's all we're going to get, I'm okay with it."

Ben's hand hesitantly hovered over Klaus', leading it halfway to the ground. There was nothing between them but empty space, but it felt like so much more. Klaus didn't want to think about the distance.

"There you go," Ben said as Klaus hugged his legs. "You're okay."

His head hurt. Everything hurt.

How could Ben say that, when he was right there, and Klaus couldn't reach him?

He felt the sobs come back, but no matter how much he tried, he couldn't choke them. He buried his face into his legs, and let the tears flow. He was just a kid again, followed by his past's torments, defined by the wrong definition.

All Klaus wanted was to be reached.

He was drowning so deeply in his sorrow that he didn't notice the sudden wave of warmth on his shoulder spreading around him like a hug—

A hug.

Klaus lifted his head, blinking the tears away. Ben was knelt at his left, head buried in his neck and arms wrapped around his body and legs.

It really was a hug.

"Ben, you're-"

"Just shut up," Ben mumbled, and Klaus actually felt his breath against his skin, Klaus  _felt_ it.

It took him less than a millisecond to turn around and return the hug. He must had been squeezing the last of Ben's life out of him, but the fact hadn't sat with him yet.

Klaus flinched when he felt the tiniest drop of cold water fall at the back his shoulder — it was so cold,  _unnaturally_ cold — and it didn't take him long to realise it was a teardrop.

"Are you cryi-"

"Shut up, Klaus," Ben said louder this time, but he didn't sound angry.

"You're not the only one," Klaus said between his sniffles, pulling away, and placing his hands at the sides of Ben's shoulders.

He was squeezing him. Somehow, letting go of him now felt like letting go forever.

Ben's entire body was shaking, and a stream of tears was running down his cheeks. He looked overwhelmed in all ways possible, confused,  _scared…_

Klaus had no idea why he laughed.

"What?" Ben asked, finally looking Klaus in the eye. "What's so funny?"

"I have literally never seen you cry so much in your life," Klaus said, grinning from ear to ear. "Like, ever."

"You're crying just as much," Ben desperately struggled to get the words out.

"I know," Klaus said and laughed — or cried, or choked, he couldn't tell anymore — and leaned in for another hug.

It felt as if they had been in the middle of the parking lot for hours, both whimpering and holding onto each other for dear life.

Klaus didn't mind.

Being held like this felt so good. He had run into Diego a few weeks ago, but his hug was rushed and held back. His one-night stands weren't the same either; they lacked compassion and love.

"I love you," Klaus mumbled as quietly as he could. He couldn't remember the last time he had said these words out loud.

It only made Ben break into more tears.

Ben tried to open his mouth to speak — or so Klaus assumed, the sounds coming out of it were inhuman — but no words came out.

"What was that?" Klaus asked. "You loathe me?"

It was the first time during that night Klaus heard Ben laugh. Chuckles mixed with sobs, and tears of joy mixed with those of sorrow, all till the positive aspects overtook the negative. Same could be said about Klaus.

"I  _do_ loathe you!" Ben finally said, pulling away again. He reached for Klaus' hand, holding it firmly. "But I love you too."

"Do you mean that as in  _you love me too_ , or you love me  _in addition_  to loathing me?"

Ben bumped his fist on Klaus' torso, then used his sleeve to wipe his tears. "Is that really what you're worried about right now?"

"Should it not be?" Klaus joked. "My brother could potentially  _hate_ me, Ben!"

Ben shook his head. "You're such a hypocrite, Klaus."

Klaus smirked. "I know."

He found himself studying Ben. He looked better now that he wasn't hiding his face behind his hood and allowed the light illuminate on him. His eyes were red from crying, but it was comforting, in a way, to see Ben finally be able to feel his tears and express himself freely.

And his smile, god, his smile. Klaus hadn't seen Ben smile so genuinely in weeks.

"What did you do?" he finally asked him, and something in him broke when he saw Ben's expression become serious again. "How did you touch me?"

"I didn't do anything," Ben said. "I just reached out and you were there."

"Huh," Klaus said, rubbing Ben's hand with his thumb. "So I did it?"

Ben smiled. "I think you did."

If only Dad could see him now.

Despite the satisfaction of giving Sir Hargreeves the middle finger, Klaus shook the thought off. He and Ben had a lot to talk about.

"Wanna break into the gas station?" Ben broke the silence again, side-eyeing the building at the other end of the parking. "I'm pretty sure it's abandoned, and it's cold as shit out here."

 _You can feel the temperature now?_  Klaus almost asked. It could wait.

" _Hohoho_ , Benny wants to engage in illegal activities now?" Klaus teased him instead.

"Sure, Santa, whatever you say," Ben said.

Klaus got on his feet, helping Ben up. "Race you there?"

"Actually, I think I wanna walk," Ben said, squeezing Klaus' hand a little bit tighter.

Klaus nodded, giving Ben a reassuring smile. After breaking down a dozen times in a row in the middle of a freezing parking lot away from the city, walking didn't sound bad at all.

Klaus squeezed back.

**Author's Note:**

> MAN, I AM SO TRASH FOR BEN AND KLAUS.
> 
> This is the first time I finish writing something from Klaus' prespective, so I'm curious to see what you guys think!
> 
> Also, I'm still up for requests/suggestions, especially if it has to do with these two dorks. Hmu on tumblr (@evelinaonline) if you have any ideas, and I'll see what I can do.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
